Bell Mobility is so Dumb…

A little while ago, I told you guys about the ordeal with Bell Mobility that I had to go through to get Kelly a new phone and a better plan to go with it. This “Bell Hell” that they put me through left me seriously questioning whether or not it was worth it to sign with them again despite the reasonable deal that was struck in the end. Although we did come out with something that we were happy with, the sheer disorganized incompetence that was Bell’s “Retention Department” was pretty shocking. I mean, these are the people that are trying to KEEP you as a customer, not drive you away. Unbelievable!

A couple days ago, I got a letter from Bell Mobility. It didn’t look like a bill and it didn’t look like their regular junkmail, but it was addressed to Kelly. She opened it up and found a card. I wonder if this was that big fat apology we were after?

On the front of this card was Bell Mobility’s mascot “Gordon” the beaver. As such a noble animal, I feel that Bell has sullied the species’ reputation. On the front, they apparently have a special offer for us. What for? I don’t know. Let’s look inside…

Inside the card, we see that they value our business. Really? Wow! However, they are sorry to see us go. Wait a sec. Didn’t we sign another 3 year contract with you guys? Does this mean that they have another “Exclusive Offer” for us like the last one that we spent two days on the phone to get? After having wasted two days of my life already, I have no inclination to waste two more to receive this special offer.

The card closes wth how important it is to them to keep me as a happy customer, and is signed off by their VP of Client Care. I gotta wonder, if Mr. Cameron McCuaig was put through the same incompetent life sapping process that I was put through, would he be so jovial in future pre-signed form letters? Their process to keep me as a happy customer was akin to some sort of exotic psychological torture.

Bell’s attempt at tempting me to stay was only further proof of how broken their customer service and retention process is. My problem was already solved and we already had a new phone and a plan for a three year term, yet a couple weeks later, they still think we’re leaving. Well, maybe we should leave? Are you asking us to leave you Bell? Now I’m really worried that our bill, post “Bell Hell” ordeal, will be some ridiculous screwed up amount that I’ll have to waste another couple days of my life on the phone rectifying.

I’m starting to think that the recently approved sale of their parent company, BCE, was due to the fact that the shareholders think that their company was being run by idiots and that it was time to cash out. I don’t blame them because it seems that this company is going to “Bell Hell” in a handbasket.